Happiness and how to achieve it. I bet you read or heard this catching title thousands of times so far. Maybe you even paid a significant amount of money to get an advice from a licensed practitioner, or a popular life coach. Did it make you feel better? If not, or at least not entirely, we can suggest identifying the advices that do not work for you and finding your own path. It is ok to feel hurt and heal and feel hurt again and heal again… until you reach a stage in your life when you are fulfilled.
Without any pretensions of advising on serious life issues and teaching anyone how to cope with difficulties in life, I can only conclude that people are more desperate than ever. We may be living at higher standards than our predecessors, and we may have the means and resources to secure better or more meaningful future (who decides what is meaningful is a question), but we have become detached from the society in general, from the members of our “tribe”, from our very selves. And feeling unhappy because of this seems like a very natural thing.
Nothing is wrong with you if you recognize the cause and feel helpless and unable to think of a solution. On the other hand, the way I see it – it is also natural and human not being able to recognize the problem, but feel unhappy and unfulfilled, without any idea how to help yourself.
While waiting for professional help (in case you need it), allow me to reminisce of the previous experience and stuff people told me, which I later found to be false.
“Do not let the emotions control you” – I do not know about you, but I have nothing against emotions. They make us who we are. Having an experienced and brilliant mind that can make wise decisions is a great advantage. However, every time I made an intellectually-based decision, which opposed my heart, I was in trouble, going through endless circles of regret and rethinking whether something could have been done differently. Just think to what extent our world would have been different if we, as a human kind, had not made certain decisions, but rather had let our hearts decide.
Learning how to control the extremes is a good thing. But, if you are experiencing plain sorrow or stress, nothing is wrong with you. Remember that Leonard Cohen lyrics: “There is a crack in everything… that is how the light gets in“. Let yourself to go through this process the easiest way possible. Accept it. Stop blaming yourself and try finding the constructive solution.
“You are overthinking and not living in the moment” – Ah, the ever-popular talk about “the moment”. No one actually knows what this term entails, and whether it is achievable, as the concept of time is debatable. However, many people are using this vague advice frequently. As for me, I see nothing wrong in planning ahead and living in the future. This is what keeps me going.
“You have bad eating habits” – OK. I admit it. However, there is no point in accentuating the obvious, especially if a person is struggling to overcome the psychological issue, not the physical one. So, when you are feeling down and crave for sweets or certain type of food, indulge yourself. Just remember to take a walk afterwards. It can clear your thoughts and increase your endorphin levels.
Above all, remember that having difficulties in experiencing fulfilment in life is nothing to be ashamed of. The world we live in has never been so dynamic and hectic. Our organisms are obviously not pre-disponed to adapt quickly to such changes. Take it easy and believe in yourself to be able to heal your own way.
Looking forward to hearing about the ways you fight depression and bad days.