Are you into playing games and turbulent relationships where partners fight just to have an excuse to make up as soon as possible? Or, perhaps you like to avoid any possible conflict by settling for the compromise, or instantly withdrawing and letting the other side win at every argument? Balanced relationship is probably somewhere in the middle of all the hassle. However, there are common mistakes people do which do not help them at all in taking constructive talks with their better halves. These are some of them:
Being Passive Aggressive
This type of aggression is perceived as the most manipulative type, although it is not necessarily so. We can agree with psychologists that walking away in the middle of an argument or simply ignoring the partner is a way to manipulate him/her and make him/her feel like losing the battle, because you have risen above the argument and you are showing that nothing he or she says can make you change your mind, because “you know better.” If used in this way, withdrawing from the fight can be a sign of manipulation. However, bear in mind that this can happen to anyone and can also be the sign of a person’s inability to handle the discussion any further. If you are the person who is puzzled and feel overwhelmed with the intensity of the discussion, we suggest taking a time out to settle your thoughts. In any other occasion, shutting down is not the way to resolve the issues and it shows disrespect to the other side.
Hitting Below the Belt in Relationship
Mutual respect is something we, humans, often forget about when having a passionate argument with someone. The history taught us that the fiercest arguments are with the people we feel the strongest connections with, be it our allies or enemies. Either way, those our individuals who are very well familiar to us. There are strong odds that we know of their fears and shortcomings, and everything that can set them off balance. Using their weaknesses in an argument is a hit below the belt. We do it in the moment of despair when we feel the need to humiliate someone who hurt us. This is the exact opposite of fair play and shows our animal nature. At the same time, it is a big “no-no”, especially if you care for the person you are fighting with.
Bringing Up the Past Foul Plays
It is always a demanding task to stay focused and avoid bringing up the unrelated issues when the argument gets heated. Again, we are confronted here with a technique which is manipulative in its nature in a way that it accentuates someone’s weaknesses or dirty laundry from the past. Apart from the fact this can make the things only worse, it will be, most certainly, a path towards destruction of the trust between the two persons. Finding someone to share your life with is a big deal and if the reason which sparked the argument is not of a crucial importance, why risk everything by going back to previous and already resolved wrong doings?
If, or when it happens that you win an argument, you will feel self-content. While enjoying your win, the question which you should ask yourself is: “Was proving my point a worthwhile and have I managed to comprehensively understand my partner’s point of view?” Analysis can be a good thing in a long run. It can prevent future mistakes and make your relationships last. Above all, if love is mutual and genuine, remember that you share the same goal and play in the same team.
